Dear Tide,

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have!
In fact, about a month ago while at home, I spilled some
red wine on my new white blouse. My husband started to
berate me about my drinking problem and how expensive
the blouse was. One thing lead to another and I ended up
with a lot of his blood on my white blouse, as well. I
tried to get the stain out using the bargain detergent
my cheap husband bought, but it just wouldn’t come out.
I went to the local convenience store and got a bottle
of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the
stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the
police’s DNA tests were negative! I thank you, once again,
for a great product! Well, gotta go, I have to write a
letter to the Hefty bag people.

Sincerely,

Recently Widowed