A Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer
says, “I clocked  you at 80 mph. sir.” The driver says,
“Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps 
your radar needs calibrating.”  Not looking up from her
knitting the wife says sweetly, “Now don’t be silly dear,
you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.” 
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks
over at his wife and  growls, “Can’t you keep your mouth
shut for once?” The wife smiles demurely and says, “You
should be thankful your radar  detector went off when it
did.”  As the officer makes out the second ticket for the
illegal radar detector  unit, the man glowers at his wife
and says through clenched teeth, “Come  on, woman, can’t
you keep your mouth shut!”  The officer frowns and says,
“And I notice that you’re not wearing your seatbelt, sir.
That’s an automatic $75 fine.” The driver says, “Yeah, well
you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled
me over so I could get my license out of my back pocket.” 
The wife says,” Now dear you know very well you didn’t have
your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re
driving.”  nd as the police officer is writing out the third
ticket the driver turns  to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU
JUST BE QUIET??” The officer looks over at the woman and
asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?”
“Oh heavens no, officer,” she sweetly replies, “only when
he’s been drinking.”