A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they
always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he
met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice
and gave them up; he couldn’t imagine subjecting his
new wife to his beastly emissions.

On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his
wife and told her he’d have to walk home. He walked past
a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed
him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he
figured he could indulge, and then walk off any ill
effects. So he had three extra-large helpings of beans,
and he “put-putted” all the way home.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited.
She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise
for you for dinner tonight!” She blindfolded him, and led
him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise
not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel another
one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold,
the telephone rang and she went to answer it.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted
his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but
ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt for his napkin and
fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better,
when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. He tried flapping his arms,
to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows
rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later,
the flowers on the table were dead.

When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he neatly
laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of
it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked
at the dinner. He assured her he had not, so she removed the
blindfold and yelled, “Surprise!!!”

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests
seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.