You’ve ever cut your grass and found a car.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren’t.
You own a homemade fur coat.
You burn your front yard instead of mow it.
Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath.”
You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
When describing your kids, you use the phrase “dumb
as a brick.”
Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest.
Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos.”
You’ve ever given rat traps as a gift.
You always answer the front door with a baseball bat
in your hand.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
You’ve never paid for a haircut.
There is a wasp nest in your living room.
The taillight covers on your car are made of tape.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
You’ve ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
You have every episode of “Hee-Haw” on tape.
Your kid takes a siphon hose to “Show & Tell.”
You’ve ever bought a used cap.
Your baby’s first words are, “Attention K-Mart shoppers.”